1. “Just call Bill Gates!”
Anyone have his number? He’s surely waiting by the phone.
2. Collect and sell slightly used airplane toiletry kits on eBay.
Amazing! With shipping and fees, we could make approximately $0.10 per kit. Let me grab that gently-used pillow the guy next to me sneezed on for three hours.
3. Become a medical or recreational marijuana dispensary.
(This idea was suggested to a church)
Good idea! We could also become ANY type of retail business and then… wait.
4. “We have an anonymous syringe exchange program that works primarily with homeless substance users. It was once suggested by a funder, that we take pictures of all of them and make a coffee table book.”
This is genius. Can we also teach them to dance for a flash mob at the mall as part of the book launch?
5. Host a naked cycling race for sponsorship.
For those of us headquartered in Portland or 1969.
7. Hold an onion peeling competition with sponsorships to see who can last the longest without crying.
Hmmm… and who is going to pay whom to sign up for this? Or do we charge admission to the most boring competition ever? Or, how about we get an onion farmer to be our title sponsor?!
8. “Hire only very attractive young women with nice bodies…it works for pharmaceutical reps?”
Dear Human Resources,
This person should be monitored for violation of a number of basic company policies and for offending everyone reading this post.
9. “Just write a grant!”
Let me grab a pen and write this down. A grant you say. Hadn’t thought of it!
10. Create a heartwarming animated film about cats to make some extra cash.
Step 1, successfully fundraise for production costs for said heartwarming film…
11. “What if you challenged people to dump ice over their heads?”
Sounds oddly familiar…
12. Make an indoor pool “nude” for one night only and charge admission.
I’m more scared of seeing my neighbors in line to buy tickets than I am of losing my fundraising job.
13. “Just ask [sponsors] nicely.”
I suppose we can all take a break from our typical boorish sponsorship calls and give this a shot!
14. Offer lap dances to your biggest donors.
Oh. My. Goodness. Really?
15. Agree to be tasered, charging $1,000 for each second of shock.
Good idea! Maybe we could charge $15,000 for backing over their toes with a bus after that!