Returning to work mid-pandemic

1. Your co-workers: Ask why you haven’t hung out with them even once during the lockdown

You, while looking around at the mask-less crowds outside your window:

2. Your co-workers: Talk about how responsible it is that the office is urging everyone to wear masks and sanitise their hands

You:

3. Your co-workers: Come in early, dressed in their best conference attire (even though there’s only three of you in the office)

You:

4. Your co-workers: Start talking about their lockdown relationships and ask if you found anyone as well

You:

5. Your co-workers: Tell you about the party they were at last night, where they, “only removed masks for karaoke, yaar”

You, to yourself, as you decide to work from home from now on:

6. Your co-workers: Make effortless conversation amongst themselves

You, struggling to remember the rules of small talk:

7. Your co-workers: Talk about how weird it is that people still aren’t going on holidays because “covid is over”

You, fixing your mask tighter around your face:

8. Your co-workers: Insist that getting the vaccine is worse than actually contracting COVID-19

You, wanting to end the conversation ASAP:

9. Your co-workers: Brag about how they won’t get the virus because “alcohol is a sterilising agent bro” and they’ve been going to every happy hour bar they find

You, grimly:

10. Your co-worker: Tells you about how they are maintaining physical distancing, limiting exposure, and continuing to sanitise everything that comes into their house

You, turning red with excitement and relief: