1) After a heart attack during his last fundraising disappointment, a nonprofit leader found himself at the pearly gates.
“So why should we let you in?” asked St. Peter looking up from his iPad.
“Well I’ve spent over 25 years running an organisation that’s helped thousands of people,” the nonprofit leader replied. “We have also helped create path-breaking policy reform that affected millions more.”
“Haan haan, but look here, it says here that your overhead was above 10 percent. Also, there are no crying or malnourished children on your nonprofit material, so how do I know if any of your impact is even true?”
“What?? But you just let in that hacker who admitted to stealing.”
“Ahh, we need him to fix the WiFi.”
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2) After three failed startups, a young millennial decided his talents are better used to disrupt the development sector. To seek advice on how, he trekked many miles into the Himalayas to ask a renowned sage.
“Oh baba! I want to improve the lives of India’s children,” he cried, falling at the sage’s feet.
“Hmmmm,” replied the sage with much wisdom.”Well, do you have any relevant skills or experiences?”
“Ummm…”
“Do you have commitment and a single-minded focus?”
“… sorry what?” asked the millennial, distracted by a cat GIF on his phone.
“Have you ever spent time with any children?”
“Uhhh,” he stalled, shuffling his feet in embarrassment.
“Hmmmm, well then there is only one thing to do,” proclaimed the sage.”Go forth and become a consultant!”
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3) Raj and Patrick, two nonprofit founders were catching up in the buffet line of the latest conference on innovation and scale.
“How’s the Manchow soup?” asked Raj.
“Meh” reply-grunted Patrick as he tried to balance an extra papad on the raita bowl.
“You know, last week at the conference there was a rumour that Bill Gates might turn up. But it was just a recorded message.”
“Oh no, a picture with Bill would have been great,” said Patrick, finally looking up from between the two gulab jamuns.
“Oh I took one with a cutout they had in the lobby. My intern is great with Photoshop. There was a huge line for the photo though, missed all the soup by the time I got it,” said Raj wistfully.
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4) Raja Ram Mohan Roy and Priyanka Chopra walked into a vegan restaurant together.
“Why the long face Ram Mohan?” Priyanka asked as they sipped their bio-fresh chia seed infused waters.
“Times are tough,” replied Raja Ram Mohan ruefully. “This whole Padmavat movie has been a real dampener for our campaign. People are avoiding us out of fear of the Karni Sena.”
“Bummer. If you’d like, I can ask Pitbull to do an appearance at your next fundraiser.”
“Naah, I think we’ll be okay from next week,” replied Ram.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Our Satyameva Jayate episode is about to air. It’s a good one, Aamir cries at the end. It even has a sad song by Arijit.”
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This piece was inspired by an article written by Krishna Shastri Devulapalli on Scroll.
