Thanks for reaching out but I’m at a meditation getaway trying to get over my latest nervous breakdown. Now, we don’t really have any second line leadership to help you in my absence but if necessary you can reach out to our intern, Tanay. He still has three more days before he goes on his soul-searching backpacking trip. After that you’re on your own.
Struggling nonprofit leader
Thanks for your email. We are at our annual retreat and I’m unlikely to have access to my emails. Ok that’s a lie. I will have access to my emails but won’t look at them as I’ll be busy getting outrageously drunk.
I’m back in office on Monday but probably won’t reply to your email till the end of the week because I’m getting old, and my hangovers are getting worse.
Looking for a new liver
Dear Email Sender,
I’ll be on a field mission all of this week trying to justify my grossly inflated salary. The Taj villa I’m staying at does not have the best network connection so please expect a delay in getting a response.
In case it’s urgent, reach out to one of the consultants we hire to do all of our work for us.
International organisation employee
Thank you so much for your email. I’m sure it’s a really great email. Maybe it’s about the sheer joy of the pre-pre-board meeting prep or another brilliant opportunity we have to send another batch of made up data for our donor reports. Unfortunately, I will not be able to reply to it because I’m busy digging my toes into the sand and finishing my third Pina Colada (here is a picture as proof).
If you want to get a hold of me, catch a flight to the Andamans, take a 7-hour boat ride, and then trek 12 km till you reach Sam’s shack where a trail of pink cocktail umbrellas should lead you to me.
Has gotten into B-school so doesn’t give a sh*t about his job