HumourSeptember 21, 2020

Sign here, please

Skip the eight weeks of negotiation, here’s the contract you’re inevitably going to end up with.
2020-09-18 00:00:00 India Development Review Sign here, please
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THIS CONSULTANCY AGREEMENT has been entered into this 1st day of April 2020 by:

1. An earnest development sector consultant (hereinafter referred to as the “Consultant”); and

2. A social welfare trust committed to animal rights and well-being (hereinafter referred to as the “Trust”).

WHEREAS, the Consultant is very eager to foster transformative growth and achieve social impact through holistic, strategic planning.

WHEREAS, the Trust has been encouraged (read: coerced) by a long-term funder to build a strategic plan to scale-up its flagship programme for the tenth time in the last five years, and has limited bandwidth and interest in developing said plan.

NOW, THEREFORE, Consultant and Trust hereto agree as follows:

1. The Consultant shall develop a strategy to scale up the Trust’s ‘campaign for the humane treatment of pets’ programme (referred to hereinafter as the “Project”) based solely on the information shared about the programme on their website (developed in 2001 and last updated in 2002).

2. The Consultant acknowledges that the Trust’s leadership has other priorities and that their time is valuable. Accordingly, they shall be consistently unavailable for all meetings, while reserving the right to complain about not being informed about the discussions being undertaken during such meetings.

Related Article: Sh*t nonprofits say: Part IV

3. The Consultant shall reside within the Trust’s registered office premises for the duration of the project.

4. The Consultant shall charge daily minimum wage rates for the Project because while the fulfilment experienced from supporting the Trust’s social objectives should be compensation enough, the Trust is legally required to pay its hired consultants.

5. In case of an Act of God, including but not limited to a flood, plague, or other major catastrophe (in keeping with 2020 fashion), the Consultant shall be provided seven additional business days to solve the global crisis and proceed with the Project.

6. All tangible and intangible properties ever owned or developed by the Consultant (including but not limited to the Consultant’s home and laptop) shall be transferred to the Trust at the completion of the Project, provided that it was used in any capacity during the course of the Project.

7. The Trust shall have the right to terminate this agreement with immediate effect.

8. The Consultant shall have the right to terminate the agreement with three months’ notice provided that they furnish a signed ‘No Objection Certificate’ from Superstar Rajnikanth and proof of completion of a full marathon in 2.5 hours (Boston, preferred). If the Consultant fails to satisfy any of these conditions despite indicating the intention to terminate the agreement, the Trust shall have the right to hire a new consultant at the Consultant’s expense.

WHEREFORE, we affix our signatures.

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