COP 28 is right around the corner, and so of course, we turned to ChatGPT to help us understand the ins and outs of the biggest global climate conference. Here’s how it went.
Q: Could you explain what COP is?
ChatGPT: Do you mean the conference of pigeons?
No! I mean the Conference of Parties, you know the UN climate conference?
ChatGPT: Ah, the COP, where we gather to discuss climate change and pretend we have a shot at fixing everything in a couple of days. It’s basically the United Nations’ version of a climate-friendly carnival.
It’s like planning a family reunion where everyone’s arguing over who left the thermostat on. But hey, at least the air conditioning is powered by renewable energy, right?
Here we are, negotiating like it’s the end of the world… oh wait, it kind of is. It’s the one time of year where we get together to share grand plans, make promises we may or may not keep, and pat ourselves on the back for being eco-friendly warriors.
Spoiler alert: The real winners are the ones with the most stylish reusable water bottles.
Q: Where is COP 28 being held this year?
ChatGPT: Oh, it’s being held on the moon. You know, the perfect spot for discussing Earth’s climate issues. They figured the moon’s lack of atmosphere would provide a refreshing change from all that tedious talk about greenhouse gases.
Q: What are some of the main points of discussion this year?
ChatGPT: They’re focusing on the critical issues, like deciding whether to switch from plastic straws to paper ones at the coffee break and debating the existential question of whether to use recycled paper or stick with regular paper for their agenda. Riveting stuff, I tell you.
Q: What happens during these climate negotiations?
ChatGPT:
Negotiations are like a global game of poker. Everyone’s holding their cards close, hoping nobody notices the fossil fuel joker up their sleeve. And let’s not forget the classic move of blaming the guy who left the lights on in the conference room for the rise in sea levels.
Q: What is the aim for COP 28?
ChatGPT: This year’s COP has set an ambitious goal–to achieve world peace by convincing everyone to hug a tree simultaneously. They believe that if every person on the planet shares a heartfelt embrace with a tree, the positive energy will create a force field protecting the Earth from climate change. It’s the ultimate “group hug to save the world” strategy. They even have a slogan: “Trees, not tantrums!” Because apparently, the key to solving global issues is just a good old arboreal cuddle party.
Q. Why is this year’s COP crucial for the Global South?
ChatGPT: The COP is like the Global South’s chance to be the DJ at the climate party. They get to drop the beats of climate justice, remix the tunes of sustainable development, and maybe even throw in a few dance moves to negotiate for fair shares of climate goodies. It’s their time to shine on the world stage, and who knows, maybe they’ll convince everyone to do the electric slide towards a greener future.
All jokes aside, COP 28, which started in Dubai on Thursday 30 November, is a crucial platform for climate negotiations. The agenda at this year’s fortnight-long summit will be led by a ‘global stocktake’, an evaluation of climate goals as per the Paris Agreement. Other points in the agenda include the loss and damage fund, methane pollution, and renewable energy.
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